oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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