My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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