He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My dick has a subreddit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
