I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
