Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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