u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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