how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
