Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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