If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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