I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize