dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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