yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
