Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who died my cat blue again?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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