I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
