so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
