he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
