So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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