Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
