All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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