i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
