nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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