If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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