that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We need to get me chipped asap
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
