Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
