the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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