ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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