Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
