I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
