i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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