Where is the hickey?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
