you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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