Don't make out with my wife yet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
