hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i permit you to call me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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