I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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