can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
