So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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