i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
