We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
