do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
