i may or may not be watching the land before time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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