Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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