it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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