Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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