So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
