I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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