Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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