well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
