I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
