I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
