I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
