Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
