Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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