no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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