If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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