the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
