rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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