Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
