So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
