He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
