is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FUCK WHALES
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