If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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