Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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