Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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