What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
