One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Text me some of your sweat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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