woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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