need another drink. this is the easiest way
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
